Saturday, 20 August 2011

Today I started at a new school. I was terrified and really didn't want to go. Everyone else has been there for six months and are great friends, so I'm the outsider and feeling really self-conscious and new. We play games involving remembering names (which I suck at). They get them all right. I get EVERY name wrong. For the rest of the lesson, I don't understand much of what the teacher says, so I'm also feeling really dumb by this point. At break time, I'm feeling dumb, confused, tired, lonely, self-conscious, and I also notice half of them have yummy-looking takeaway lunches, so I'm jealous, and embarrassed by my boring apple and dorky thermos of home-made coffee. So I slink off to the kitchen, pour myself a cup, then come back, and the only spot to sit is on a sofa, in the middle of the group. I sit down. Did I mention I've lost the cup from my thermos... so I have this really embarrassing plastic yellow cup instead? Anyway, they are all discussing going to buy fancy coffees from the machine. I'm wishing I could buy a latté or a double mocha or whatever fancy coffee is available. I'm sitting there blowing the steam from my cheapo coffee, trying to be invisible and feeling sorry for myself and my crappy coffee from home, hoping nobody laughs at my ridiculous smiley-face plastic cup. And then one of them announces that the coffee machine is broken. They complain. They wail. They're very unhappy at missing out on their caffiene fix.

I sit there with my awesome home-made coffee in the hilarious cup, blowing it and feeling smug and quietly grinning to myself.


Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Because I Can

This week I released my first manuscript upon the world - I have written a book about my experiences working in a retirement village. It is still being edited, and I may add a few more little bits and pieces, but the bulk of it is in place for the world to criticise enjoy see.

So, today you get to share one of the stories. I present to you: The Lifestyle Village, Chapter 4 - "I have a new job". The entire book, with several funnier stories (if you're interested) can be read online for free at

I have a new job

I have a new job. It's working in the community kitchen of the retirement village where my aunt does the wages. Sorry, Lifestyle Village. I can't call it a retirement village. Those are for old people. It's a Lifestyle Village, which automatically makes 90-year-olds "not old". It's all about image. Or something.

 I have nothing to do with my aunt, which is good, since my mother and I nearly came to blows working together at her work... but I digress. I'm a combination kitchenhand/waitress. Go me. Actually, I like it. The weekend pay is better than I was getting in tech support for sitting at a desk and I bring home more leftover food than I could possibly eat. Free food rocks.

 I get to serve them all in the dining rooms. They're actually not a bad bunch at all. Most of them have all their marbles, albeit left over from 1972... the dinner table conversation can be quite amusing. On the weekend they had been discussing some actor from nineteen yickety two (I missed who) and that some movie of his had been on, and others were disappointed to have missed it on the tv. Enter our hero, Iris, who announced, "You're all welcome to come and watch it in my flat, I have it on Dee Vee Dee." Muttered discussion and awe as they all digested this new fangled news. I doubt many of them even have a VCR.

 The amputee lady, Doris, has more spunk than the rest of them combined. "Well if you're finished boasting," she said, "I'll have a boast too. I have a new stereo, and it's got a Woofer."

 This was met with gobstruck silence as they looked at each other in total ignorance. I had to leave the room to avoid laughing aloud. I listened from the kitchen. Finally one of them timidly asked the inevitable question.

 "What's a Woofer?"

 The discussion, of course, was all very serious, and they all learned about how it's important to emphasise the bass.

 Marlene is knitting me some bedsocks.

Saturday, 7 May 2011

Where's Research Geek!

Our once bright and bubbly stoic leader has deserted us... if she was here she'd be right onto those poor use of adjatives all together and current not good gramma. Spelling would be all correct trhings in teh universe would be aligned.

still having the shackles removed is quite liberating - getting to just write what ever we want when evea we want I feel like sid vicious. It's anarcy punk style but with words. and short attention spans... but how good was the weather today, totally awesome almost good enough to feel gay but not faggot gay happy gay.

yeah I really didn't think the rest of this through and i'm kinda going nowhere fast..... how's that bin laden murder.... yeah i'm struggling so I think i'll go because kaos dictates I can coz I wanna

Friday, 6 May 2011

My First Blog Post!!

OK so I've been reading your blogs for a while now and did intend on contributing, but just never seem to have time. So here we go, first blog post! I must say that these were already a part of my poetry collection, so yes, i cheated!, but it did enable me to actually contribute something!!

Poetry is my way of escaping from life, and sometimes working through my problems. It's amazing how much it helps to just write things down (well for me anyway). Who knows whether I'm good at it or not, but it helps me and i enjoy it so i don't really care, but hopefully someone out there likes my work though!

This first entry, "The True Meaning of Love" is something i wrote quite a while ago, but i think everyone would be able to relate to it in some way.

The True Meaning of Love

It’s only now that I understand what it’s all about - the true meaning of love.

It’s that feeling of excitement when you know you’re about to see them, the butterflies that flutter around in your stomach when you think of them.
It’s the feeling of safety when you’re held in their arms.

It’s the unknown of what the future holds; it’s taking a chance on life and love.
It’s risking possible heartache for a lifetime of happiness,
but always following your heart, your hopes and dreams.

Love is learning to trust – not just in your partner,
but trust in yourself to respect and make the right choices.
Love is learning the art of forgiveness, acceptance and compromise.

It’s knowing that you can be yourself, that you don’t have to hide behind a charade.
Knowing that you will be accepted and cherished for whom you are,
without having to change to suit someone else’s ideals.

It’s love when you want to share every aspect of your lives together,
when you enjoy new experiences and learn from each other.
When your partner gives you inspiration and a reason for living.

Love is about learning how to communicate and fight fairly.
It’s learning from your disagreements and taking that lesson with you.
It’s learning that sometimes you need to agree to disagree.

Love is about trust and honesty, both of which are essential to a healthy relationship.
You lose these and you find yourself questioning everything,
searching for answers even though you’re afraid of what you might find.

I know now that love never dies, it just fades away.
Clouded by the troubles of life we push it into the background and don’t realise until it’s too late.

We slip into that comfort zone where we feel safe, but then suddenly,
without warning, your whole world can come crashing down around you.
It’s only then that we realise and understand what we’ve lost.

I know now that love is based on friendship, that’s the foundation of the relationship.
You not only have a lover, companion and soul mate, but above all you have a best friend.

Love is knowing when to take that chance and fight for what you want.
It’s knowing that you deserve happiness and should settle for nothing less.
It’s learning from your mistakes and believing in love itself.

It’s realising before it’s too late that it takes hard work,
but the ultimate reward you receive is the greatest gift of all and it’s then that you
realise it’s worth every minute of heartache encountered along the way.

This poem is one i wrote when my grandma passed away about 2 years ago, so it definitely means something to me. I guess it's like the last little thing i could do for my nan. My cousin read it out at the funeral church service and they all liked it so much they asked would i be willing to let them offer it to other families as a reading in their family services, so that made me feel good!

Goodbye, But Not Forgotten

The teardrops stain our faces
As we gather to farewell you.
But we know that life goes on,
We know we’ll all pull through

Don’t worry about us left behind,
For time will heal our pain.
And we’ll live with a life full of memories,
Until we’re joined again

With tears in our eyes we say goodbye
It is by far the hardest part.
But we’ll cherish the times we shared with you,
You’ll forever be in our hearts.

For a new journey you embark upon
As you watch over us from above.
We’ll think of you with fondness,
And thank you for your love.

With pain in our hearts, we say goodbye
And rejoice your life so long
For you will be missed, but not forgotten,
And you’re memory will always live on.

So there you go, that's all i have to offer for now, but i hope you enjoy!

Monday, 2 May 2011

Free Speech

"Stairway To Heaven"

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying the stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying the stairway to heaven.

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who stand looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying the stairway to heaven.

Do-Whatever Week

It's the beginning of May and the blog has been a bit quiet. We all got walloped with other important, unavoidable commitments (you know, school holidays, overtime, long weekends, intense binge-drinking sessions and the like). Things which took up all our time and our, erm, intellects.

But we're back - or will be this week - and this week is a free-for-all. Contribute anything you want. Anything you created, that is. Any topic you like. Give it whatever tags suit.

PS: NO MORE "DEADLINES" - we're not W-word, that horrible place that horrible cruel bosses expect you to do stuff before they will pay you at the end of the week. So from now on, we'll just start a topic and you add to it when you like. Same day, or end of the week, whenever. It's up yours. :)

YES THIS MEANS that if you also suddenly feel like telling us your opinion on these things, it isn't too late:
  • Sexuality - Choice or Hardwired
  • Replacing cash with card, nation wide, convenience or curse?
  • Current Affairs Programs - Benefit to society or detriment?
  • Facebook & Twitter: Serious business tools, or just messing around?
  • Fiction Challenge
  • The Weather
  • Carbon Tax
We know you've got opinions on things. We don't bite. Well, except Troy, and he's had his shots. ;)

Wednesday, 27 April 2011

We'd like to hear why you don't write with us, or write more often?

Flawed, but better than nothing

I must say from the outset that it's a while since I looked into the Carbon Tax, but here's my take (and I've read differing views on it recently).

There is no denying that despite the fact it's levied on businesses, the cost will be passed on to the consumer. But it's to a limited degree and in all the right ways. We have competition to thank for that. Here's a short simplified example of how it WILL benefit the environment.
Let's take Power Company A. Just imagine it's whoever you're with. At the moment, Power Company A has mostly coal electricity. Green Power options are more expensive to research and develop, than coal, so they mostly don't bother. In the long run, green power is cheap. It's just expensive to set up at the beginning. And since Power Company A doesn't want to spend yummy profit, they stick with coal.

At first, all the companies cost about the same price. The next day, the Carbon Tax kicks in. From then on, it's going to be getting more expensive to keep using coal. No problem - Power Company A can just jack up the price to the customer, and keep using delicious coal, right? And then... and then Electricity Provider B see what Power Company A just did and think... hmmm, we think we'd like to steal their customers. We think it's worth spending some yummy profit this year, to make things cheaper next year, so that we can lower our prices and steal customers.

So they spend some delicious profit to invest in green, and they pass that investment cost onto the customers. At first, nothing much changes, both companies cost about the same. But in a little while, Electricity Provider B's investment is paid off, and they can lower their prices to the customers. WOOHOO says Mr Customer. I'm switching to the company that costs less.
Simple, right? Although you might have thought companies don't care, because they can just pass the increase onto the customers anyway, there is competition and that makes companies grow a conscience. Even if the conscience is a fake one and is all about greedy profits, they'll still do it.

Secondly - a direct result if the power goes up in price - consumers cry at their bills, and then they install solar panels and turn off lights and yell at their kids for staying in the shower for half an hour. These are all wins for the environment.

And then we have things like electronics providers. As the cost of power goes up with Power Company A, customers will be desperately searching for ways to reduce consumption. They'll be buying energy-efficient light globes, and so on. And if Television Company C starts advertising a TV that uses 10% less power, customers will bloody well go and buy it. So it's in Random TV Company D's selfish interests to spend yummy profit on researching ways to make their tellies that use less power - if they don't, they'll just go out of business because nobody will buy their TVs!

I don't think the Carbon Tax was the most efficient way to reduce greenhouse emissions. But we have to remember, it had to be put together in a way that could get past the voters. Let's be honest, the more efficient ways would have made everyone scream and run around like chooks with their heads cut off, and vote for Fred Nile or something stupid like that. Carbon Tax is a disguised, convoluted, magical mystery option, but at least it's something. And it's working - the number of solar panels on roofs is skyrocketing.

Now if only they'd grow a pair, and make those panels compulsory on all new buildings...

Thursday, 21 April 2011

Unbelievably Stupid Idea

Regardless of who I support politically I am dubmfounded that people can possibly support this iead in any way shape or form. This has nothing to do with the Climate Change debate, simply because the tax will have zero effect on the climate nor is it possible for the money to be used to repair the climate, should it need it. This Carbon Tax is nothing more than making people in our society feeling all warm and fuzzy. If you want to feel warm and fuzzy go hug a rabbit. Yes I understand we will be taxing carbon polluters and not individuals but who's going to suffer and pay the price, as always the end user. What's even more ridiculous about this tax is that the money does nothing? It can't be used to have any effect on teh enviroment. Polluters will simply move whatever operations they can of shore... this entire debate is the biggest load of bull shit a government has ever fed a people! (excluding the Holucost) The only reasonable and smart thing to do is have a reward system.. How do you develope positive results in children, through punishment or through reward?? how to they train animals, through punishment or reward? Every single time it's reward reward reward.. however we're being told the way forward is punish punish punish. Reward people who reduce their carbon output via tax exemptions and reductions. It's just that simple!! I'll vote out every government regardless of which party decides to move forward with a tax. I'm not even going to explore the extreme impact it will have on our economy because regardless of how big an impact it would have the answer is still the same, reward polluters who reduce their emmissions rather than punish those that do not. Too F'n easy!

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

New Topic - For next week

Australia's Carbon Dioxide Tax - The most economically irresponsible thing a Government has ever done to a Country OR just a really stupid idea?

Lets gets a few more opinions for this one...

Label: carbon tax


(Warning: Lame emo short story thingy follows. Definitely among the dregs of my work, but rather than leaving you all without a contribution, I'll post this to fill space.)

Is there an unwritten mantra, that declares we must find the beauty in winter?

Winter and its crystalline landscape. Icicles hanging from delicate tree branches, reflecting the brilliant sunshine. Streets and pavements with their sharp corners all buried under smooth drifts of snow, single flakes falling in a spectacular display, small figures in mittens making snowmen and laughing.

Did someone stare out the window at the horribly bitter and vicious cold for so long that they tried to find something nice about it? Did they stay inside near the fireplace for days on end until they forgot the feeling of the wind blowing deep into their bones?

The snow is here for so long each year, but there's one thing that makes me think of you. The rain falling onto the snow and melting it, sweeping it into slush, washing it into drains and across streets, the slippery mess of water reminds me of when you left. The rain was falling on that day, as we carefully stepped across the yard to say our goodbyes beside the waiting taxi. My hair clung to my face and you couldn't see the tears for all the splashes from above. You finally let go of my embrace and stepped back. And for long minutes you stood there like a statue, alone, apart, and unwilling to take that last step away from me, to fold yourself into the seat and be ushered away to your next destination.

I stood there and wondered, what if I stopped him from leaving?

Can I really be that selfish? I know you wanted to stay.

But I'd also known how things would be worse if you didn't return. And I had to content myself with hoping to see you again. One day. "One day" became months of waiting. Our conversations always centred on that "one day". Our dreams and plans all about that one day in the future where I wouldn't have to say goodbye.

It's raining onto the snow this morning. A few children tried to make a snowman and gave up in disgust. I've watched a lady at the bus stop, whose umbrella blew inside out as the water saturated her. Cars creep by infrequently, but when they do, it's only at a snail's pace. Their tyres splash filthy mush onto everything nearby. The scene is winter, and the cold and the snow, in all its dreary lack of glory.

But tomorrow, I'll be in your arms. Somehow, winter is beautiful.

Monday, 18 April 2011

Weather in your FACE

So. After Elisa made a offhanded comment about people loving to put weather related content into their status updates it got me thinking.

I thought...
Am I guilty of this?
"Guilty" because I HATE benign drivel.

The answer is yes. I do do it. However much I hate weather status updates it is over-powered by my love of whining, bitching and ranting in general. So if I am uncomfortable for days on end then eventually, unfortunately for you, you are likely to hear about it.

So I decided to take a little look around Facebook.
First I went through my news feed. Yep, as I suspected. I have friends that LOVE to talk about the weather, there are a couple of them and it doesn't bother me so much, but I must admit once I get the gist of the status I dont read on.

Instead of exposing these friends in all their meteorological glory here on our blog I decided to go hunting for weather status updates of others in pages and groups for like minded weather enthusiasts. What I discovered was hundreds of non-specific weather groups. I grabbed a few snips of conversation and left as the effect was soporific to say the least.

well the cuddling bit did peak my interest....

Next I decided to find out what other people on Facebook thought about weather in status updates and found by far the most popular weather related facebook group.

498 people like this? Only 498...pfffft!

and this one....which I quite like

It would also seem that people who like to talk about weather probably share some of the thoughts of like minded domestic animals

and my personal favourites...

parallels people parallels!

But no matter what you opinion is on others inane weather status' I think that this group should have A LOT more members.

Now excuse me whilst I curl up in bed, and as is my custom, check my Bureau of Meteorology iPhone app for tomorrows forecast.

FECK! It's Hot....

... but you're not going to convince me it's due to Global Warming and that Man is causing it through it's carbon emmissions.

Yes yes i've seen the inconvenient truth and i've heard the propagander but i'm not sold... I'm not saying i believe whole heartedly one way or the other. The earth is millions and millions of years old and humans have been around for what like 40,000 years or so at best. Records of temperatures etc. are in the hundreds of years. Scientifically speaking the sample size that we are using is just way too small, think about it, would you conduct an experiment that involved 0.00000000000003% of the sample size to come to a conclusion.

Don't get me wrong humans have and are still fucking shit up on this planet, we have treated the earth like a whore and i'm disgusted with the utter contemp we and our forefathers have treated this earth and our selfish nature in which we assume that the entire earth is here purely for our pelasure and leasure.

But the arguement that we are causing the planet to get hotter i dunno man.. Seriously Sydney was F'n hot when we first moved here in 1990 and the first 3/4 years were just HOT... then things seemed OK and then again in 2003/2004 it seemed F'n hot again... those years seemed hotter that it has for the last two years. So my the very laymans terms and at the coal face... it's ain't really got any hotter.. The earths climate has changed, elnino and shit like that but why do we expect it wouldn't change??

I'm not about to jump on a bandwagon and wave a flag. For me it's almost a bit like convincing me that God is real.... Bascially I don't believe in God and almighty being controlling all of our lives and granting our wishes. Do I believe in the presence of spirits and a spirit world yes... So do I believe in Climate Change .. no do I believe that the weather is getting a little crazy yes.

Is it our fault... no doubt humans are having an impact but Mother Nature is one nasty bitch... she can still fuck shit up when she wants to and teach us a thing or two about messing with the planet.

I'm not sold... am I a climate change denier? no and I climate change believer? no then what am I? I don't know really all I know is that I haven't noticed a difference, going around from year to year I can't say with any sort of certainty that i've noticed any differences. Sure it doesn't really help that I haven't spent more than 3 1/2 years in teh one place since I was 10 years old that includes going from state to state on a regular basis... so it's hard for me to tell. But if climate change is so dramatic wouldn't have I noticed it more.. Do i really pay attention not really...

I just don't get all warm and fuzzy about saving the planet for generations to come... i just figure shit will be the way it will be and I accept whatever it becomes.. Whilst the idea of sending society back to the primitave days delights me, living off the land, with just stick and stones, hunting and gathering and the best part would be how would you know any better, the simple life. But lets face it we can't we ain't going backwards. so what do we do? As individuals what change can we make? bugger all if you ask me... sure i'll recycle and plant trees and shit like that but I'm not about to bouycott energy or technology.

I can't make my mind up but do I have to make it up... aren't I allowed to simply be uncertain and be willing to see how things pan out and make up my mind down the track if at all? Am I being irresponsible for not really caring that much because I can't tell the difference or see any noticable change?

I don't know th answers to most of these questions but I kind of get the feeling that i'm not unlike many people...

But put away your climate change bibles cos i hate bible stories... accept the fact that i'm not convinced one way or the other and accept that you can not change my mind, partly because there's too much information for both sides of the arguement and partly because I don't care and partly because I'm a very logical person and the climate change agruement seems to be one that's filled with emotion... at the end of the day I feel that logically speaking there's no real way for us to tell if the changes to the planet are suppoed to happen how can we tell what carbon dioxide isn't better for the planet than harmful and that and i'm lazy when it comes to reading and unless there are lots of pretty pictures with topless women in them i'm highly unlikely to pay any attention to them.

But Feck it's getting cold at nights these days hey?

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

Aha... topic time

You're killin' me. I ran out of time to do a proper job of last week's topic, so naturally I've forgotten that really awesome topic I thought of earlier in the week. So I've done what anyone would do in my situation: I turned to Facebook for some inspiration. (Don't judge.)

According to my friends there, certain topics require a lot of updates. Theoretically this method of choosing should make it a topic that more guest writers want to contribute to. (Please?) Drumroll: the topic is: The weather.

Bitch about the cold, sing its praises, moan that your washing just got wet, tell a story, draw a picture, make a flowery poem, take a photo of awesome clouds, create an in-depth article about the tsunami's devastation in Japan. I don't care what you do, just do something this week, and we will love you.

Please use the label weather.

Tag: T-Bone.